In American culture (and, to my knowledge, to a greater extent in Asian cultures) it is polite to refuse offers. Whether it's the last cookie or a ride home, offers are routinely declined with gracious "No thank you"s. Certainly it's fine to accept these things if someone offers it, but it is polite to decline.
Perhaps we are afraid of inconveniencing the giver, perhaps we just don't want the burden of feeling indebted to someone, or perhaps it's just a habitual reaction. Whatever the reason, it seems strange that it is polite to make offers, but impolite to decline them.
My thesis: it is honorable and right to accept the small daily gifts of others. Accepting offers helps cultivate a habit of giving in the one making the offer. The more someone's gifts are joyfully received, the more they will want to give in the future.
If we reject an offer, we are subliminally suggesting that the offer was not welcome, or we are at least slowly training the giver not to give. Just like in training a child, encouragement of a behavior will create that habit, discouragement will create a habit of the opposite behavior.
Just a thought.
Interesting thoughts. I think that some form of pride is often at the root of our refusing of offers, and as such, is obviously a problem. However, I think it would be easy to take pride in accepting offers - and thus it becomes necessary to examine your motives. Are you accepting an offer because you intend to honor the person who offered? Or are you accepting because you believe it's the right thing to do...and you pride yourself on behaving correctly.
ReplyDeleteAlso would be interesting to look at cultural aspects. Apparently, in Greece it's considered rather rude if you accept an offer (say of food or drink) before it's been offered three or four times. I believe there are other cultures, though, where it's rude to refuse an offer of food or drink... Do these cultures need to change in order to align to one right standard? Or are there ways to accept and refuse offers within those cultures without offending AND without doing wrong?
Thanks for the comment. I appreciate your thought on pride. It's definitely easy for me to become prideful about doing the right thing, whether that's making offers or accepting them (or refusing them).
ReplyDeleteThe cultural question in interesting. Perhaps this could only be applied in a culturally relative society like America. In countries where cultural expectations are more highly valued, I would think that politeness trumps any ideal for giving that I might have. I don't know; it deserves more thought methinks.
Interesting post. Asians cultures do exercise this "to a greater extent". There's a Vietnamese folktale about a hungry man visiting his friend's house. The host invites him eagerly to have supper with the family but he declines. After a while imploring the guest to eat unsuccessfully, the host gives up. At night, there are strange noises in the kitchen so people go check: they see the guess sneaking in trying to get some food.
ReplyDeleteIt's a life-long battle to be humble and honest.