Sunset Symphony 9/25/10
Stuffy seats
and quiet chatter are
little company for waiting ears,
worn-out programs
rolled up or
tossed
on the floor under
the musty smell of an old brown jacket
on the seat in front
of me.
The lights fade like the gloaming of the coming night
and a drifting wand appears in the dimming space
like the farewell ray of a sun just out of sight.
Then soul-moving colors float out with glorious grace.
A long streak of oboe-gold shoots low
across the stage, surrounded by cello-red,
while pink violins dash brightly out and glow
from joy of the chase where the pipe and the piccolo fled.
The flutes frolic with four French horns
in bursts of silver and purple and shining glee
that an ocher bass chases in the hope of another morn
and fills the sky to the tune of the timpani.
The orange slowly leaves the air
and all is dark and blank and bare
till clouds return in evening-wear.
I like the concrete imagery you use (like the musty smell of an old brown jacket), and I like the thought of "soul-moving colors." Almost as if the sunset alters the state of the soul to move up toward God.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why you alter the form and scheme so much between the first stanza and next four stanzas? Also why are only the beginning of each sentence capitalized?
Also, I like the synesthesia you use in the music as "bursts of silver and purple." Though sight as sound synesthesia is somewhat common...maybe try to use another sense? Like sight as touch is always a nice one.
Thanks for the thoughts. I changed the form so much because I wanted to create a contrast between the uncomfortable silence before the music and the flowing beauty once the music starts. About the capitalization, I guess I didn't think about it much. I used to capitalize the beginning of every line of my poems, and then I began to think it looked weird, so I changed it to be merely grammatically correct. :) Do you think I should capitalize each line or uncapitalized them?
ReplyDeleteAnd also, I should give credit to Mr. Koenen for "soul-moving." That phrase came up in one of our class discussions.
ReplyDelete